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If Your Man Cheats on You (It’s Your Fault)

I personally believe that we play significant roles in our own heartbreaks. Though this may not be the case all of the time, I’m sure if we are honest with ourselves, we will see that we could’ve left the relationship before it became so heart-wrenching or addressed negative behaviors before they destroyed the union. As I speak directly to the ladies, I ask “Why are you so insecure that you feel the only partner you can engage with is one who disrespects, betrays and lies to you?” Though I’m sure the title of this blog has your panties in a bunch or thongs in a knot, relax. Read on to understand where I’m coming from and where I’m heading. 

Yes I said it! I said that if your man cheats on you it’s your fault because it is! “Love is a many splendored thing”, or so they say…or wish to believe. Yet ‘love’, in its truest form, is a powerful, controlling energy that can make or break she who experiences it. Though this magnetic, empowering energy can make one want to live, it can also make one wish to die. We seek it…we yearn for it…we dream of it. And when we think it has arrived, we hurl our entire selves into it, celebrating its discovery, publicly announcing its existence and professing its eternal presence within ourselves and the other person. And all is right with the world until ‘static’ begins to occur within the relationship.

For some relationships, external factors such as work-related issues, familial matters, and financial challenges may arise and cause stress in the partnership. For other relationships, the stress is caused by internal factors, such as fear of commitment, disrespect towards women, the inability to be faithful, and other ‘personal shortcomings’. When the latter occurs, you may find that your mate has cheated on you…he’s gone outside of the relationship to find physical and/or emotional ‘comfort’ without your knowledge. This action is not your fault. If there is an issue that makes him feel that he needs to go elsewhere for ‘solace’ of any sort, then he should be respectful, responsible and honest and approach you with the issue to be discussed. He should alert you to the presence of detrimental elements in the relationship so that you and he can consciously work to resolve the matter(s) and become an enlightened, empowered, and united couple. However, if he has CHEATED on you, and you became aware of his infidelity and – without working on the issues that ‘led’ to the betrayal – he cheats again, well then it’s your fault that he CHEATS on you.  (Calm down and focus on the words: CHEATED – past tense; CHEATS – present tense…a current, ongoing activity.) He exhibited negative behavior in the past, you became aware of this ‘personal shortcoming’ and did nothing to eliminate it; thus, he repeats that same behavior against you. You accepted that behavior so he now feels it’s acceptable.

You see ladies, whatever negative act your partner commits against you is a detriment to his character. Conversely, whatever negative act your partner continues to commit against you is a detriment to your character.  You can’t let someone hurt you and not be held accountable for that pain. While you can’t prevent your man from cheating on you, you can prevent your man from continuing to cheat on you. That first act of betrayal is the catalyst for a discussion and resolution; any subsequent acts of betrayal are merely blatant acts of disrespect against a woman who is unaware of her self-worth and insecure about her ability to develop another romantic relationship. She then becomes responsible for her hurting; though she is not causing the pain, she is fostering the environment for the pain to occur by remaining in the broken relationship.

So you see, I am not trying to anger, offend or demean anyone. My goal is to remind you of the power that rests within your beings. Just as that man entered your life, so shall others; yet some of the others will know how to respect, honor and love a woman of your caliber…a woman who shows the world how highly she values herself and demands that it does the same.

~Namaste~


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