Setting Sail – Lifting the Anchor of Heartbreak
It’s over. The relationship that once inspired you to live, thrive, succeed and explore has ended. You’ve tried to make it work. You read the books…you took the advice…you changed your physical self…hell you even smiled at his mother during times when you felt like cursing her out! Yet it’s over. You feel devastated and alone. Your heart aches; your body is weak; and your mind is cluttered with questions (“What did I do wrong?” “Why did this happen to me?” “What am I going to do now?”). You function on auto-pilot, handling your usual responsibilities because they are out-of-habit, yet nothing new and exciting should approach you for you won’t be able to appreciate its value. Life as you know it is over…your soul is empty; your heart, crushed. He may live near you or far from you; in either case, the emotional distance is too heavy to handle. As he moves on with his life, you sit stuck in muck, drowning in ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. You maintain an emotional hold on someone who isn’t even asking you to do so.
When a relationship ends, we must do one of two things: we must either heal to recoup power lost, or ‘move on’ to prevent from becoming stagnant (emotionally ineffective). Though choosing not to heal from a serious emotional trauma will come back to bite you in the arse, sometimes we don’t have the tools needed to assist us in the completion of the healing process. Thus, at this point in time, ‘moving on’ will suffice. The act of ‘moving on’ implies that the forlorn resumes control of their life and works to progress in various areas of life – even though in the emotional area, they are handicapped. As long as they don’t enter into another serious relationship, their healing can come at a later time. However, if they do engage in a serious relationship, they are likely to suffer tension in the beginning of the union, martyrdom in the middle, and a total emotional breakdown when it ends.
When your serious relationship ends, of course your heart will bleed, but it doesn’t have to become anemic. At some point, the power of the mind must be invoked to bring reason into irrationality, order into chaos and movement into paralysis. Truly, self-pity can be good for the heart, but only for a limited time. At some point, you have to decide to keep the memories of the happy times (as long as they are not torturous) and release the pain of the sad times. You have to allow the ending of the relationship to occur by emotionally releasing your hopes, dreams and wishes for you and your partner, because your partner is no longer in the picture.
Moving on and/or healing from an emotional catastrophe is difficult and there are no tricks to healing quickly. Yet all actions start with a decision. Isn’t it about time you decide to rub ice on your bruised ego, pick up the pieces of your broken heart and restructure your mold of the perfect partner?
Allow your heart to ride the waves of courage, optimism and determination so that your emotional energy becomes fluid, and your ability to love uninhibited.
~Namaste~
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