Un-break Your Heart
Emotional healing is a required process that is necessary to complete in order to recoup power lost due to a shocking heartbreak. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, if negative behavior infiltrated the walls of trust, respect and truth, then a healing of the emotions must occur. If not, the scarred being is likely to move forward operating (on an emotional level) at a below-standard level. Ultimately, some of the ‘broken’ become distrusting, bitter enemies of themselves…no longer trusting their own instincts, opting to distrust others, and avoiding – either consciously or unconsciously – normal emotional interaction as a preventative measure for being hurt (again).
The ability to heal is within us all, we just have to have the desire and strength to summon ‘the gift’ when the opportunity arises. Though we may never heal from all of our emotional afflictions, we can heal from some. And once we have exercised our ability to heal, we then become empowered to perform the action (commit to the process) at-will. Consequently, we are more courageous in love, trusting in others and confident in our decision-making.
Below are the four steps I took to healing from those matters whose occurrences kept me stagnant…those events that impeded personal growth. I did not read up on healing nor did someone suggest that I follow a ‘set procedure’ in order to become healed. I was focused on saving my heart and instinctively followed a series of steps that I felt God had implanted in my being. I am sharing these steps with you in an effort to influence and/or inspire you to do the same – save your heart! Your emotional strength and capability are too precious to toss out due to some ‘minor’ pain. Your ability to love, trust, inspire and believe in others is a necessary component to living a fulfilling life-experience. We are social beings…made that way by divine design. Though some of us are more social than others, we all possess an innate need to be connected to another (barring any psychological and/or emotional trauma that may have occurred in your life).
Step 1: Release all negative emotion pertaining to the issue-at-hand. This includes, but is not limited to, guilt, regret, anger, self-pity, frustration and hate. One of the ways I released this toxic energy was through crying (which what many of us do anyway, yet we don’t cry to release, we cry to express pain and to receive sympathy); additionally, I engaged in my passion for creative writing (as in a journal, a blog, song or poem), and increased social activity, which took my mind off of my own pain and enabled me to use it (as well as my heart and spirit) for more ‘productive’ endeavors. To incite a complete release, you must dig deeply into the heart and mind and gather up all of the toxic energy that is a product of the painful experience and toss it to the wind. Another activity that proved rejuvenating for me was writing down all of the painful memories and then burning them as I confessed “With these flames, I am burning the pain and {insert person’s name} from my heart and life.” Of course you will write what you need to; this is the statement that contained the essence of what I was doing, hence why I wrote it. In my mind, once the paper had been reduced to ashes, so had the pain from the relationship with said person. And with the mind recouping ‘control’, it then was able to dictate to the heart that survival was possible and healing was in progress. Basically, whatever you can do to extract the painful memories from your heart and mind needs to be done in order to become ‘lighter’ in emotion and ‘clearer’ in thought.
Step 2: Forgive self and all others involved in the matter. Though this can be very hard to do, it is not impossible. We must forgive ourselves for allowing ourselves to even have become involved with that person, for trusting them, for giving them a first, second or even third chance. And we must forgive them for exhibiting the behavior that caused us such pain in the first place. We are not condoning their actions; we are consciously acknowledging what has been done (to us) and how that action made us feel. And as we forgive them (as we forgive ourselves) we recoup the power of trust (that we bestowed upon them and ourselves) for we are saying to ourselves “You were not wrong to trust this person, nor were you wrong to trust yourself.” In forgiving self and others, you are you are taking responsibility for your behavior, your decisions, your perceptions and your reactions. When you forgive another, you ‘return to whole’; when you never forgive, you are reduced, little-by-little, to a fragment of what you were, never becoming even comparable to who you can become. [Note: Forgiveness is a private, empowering act. The other person does not have to ask for forgiveness nor does he/she have to even know that you have forgiven them. Forgiveness is the gift that you give to self after it has endured an emotionally-challenging, mentally-exhausting event.]
Step 3: Get the lesson. Relationships are opportunities for growth. Thus if one ends, or suffers a ‘crack in its exterior’, we must look closely at the situation that has caused the ending or damage so as to see what we can acquire mentally from the emotionally-charged issue. What were you to learn about self? What were you to learn about others? Acquiring logical information – better yet, acknowledging mental growth – arising out of an emotionally painful event tends to soften the blows as it diverts your attention from the heart and places it where it belongs – on the mind. You know you can feel, you’ve done so and have become hurt; now recognize that you are mentally empowered from that episode and are now able to minimize future occurrences, if not avoid them altogether. Many times, we play roles in our own heartbreak. When we return to a relationship that was strained, after having not worked on why it became strained, we invite the same set of situations to occur, laying out the red carpet for the same sort of behavior and reactions, because we didn’t apply personal effort to fixing the reason behind the ‘strain’. You can’t just take two months away from your relationship, as in ‘we’re taking a break’, yet do nothing that is intentionally focused on repairing or resolving the reason for the break. All you would’ve done is missed the person. You return to intense love-making, a few ‘incredible moments’ as you two have missed one another so much, doling out promises and niceties, simply fooling each other into believing that things will be different. And then slowly but surely, the behavior – whether it’s action or reaction – returns as if to say “Hey! Y’all remember me? I’m back!” Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a treasured friendship, seek to heal from the issue that either broke the union or damaged it. It doesn’t matter if you two may remain in contact or separate forever; what matters is that you move forward either in the relationship or outside of it as an enlightened and healed spirit.
Step 4: Pass the test. Once you think you are all healed and empowered, life will present the opportunity for you to be tested. You are not healed until that painful situation causes no pain, incites no negative emotion or leaves you feeling ‘challenged’. When the test(s) arrive and you find yourself experiencing negative energy or finding fault with yourself or the other person, you need to revisit steps 1 and/or 2. In some matters, step 3 may not be such an issue as we are all pawns in the life of others, thus the lesson behind the issue in the relationship may be one that solely belongs to the other person. However, honest and complete analysis of the situation may enlighten you on some trivial changes that you can make to fare better if the situation shall recur.
As I mentioned, these are the four steps that I completed in order to heal from a crippling relationship. Once I had healed from that specific one, I chose to focus on other relationships that weren’t so damaging yet needed curing. Those relationships had ended a while ago; still the signs of a ‘scarred’ heart were evident. I am now a healed spirit who is both conscious and appreciative of the process of healing.
Remember, God uses us to help one another, we are His ‘resources’ in the efforts of healing, enlightenment, inspiration, empowerment and support; thus, the relationship from which you may need to heal may have been one that was solely intended to fortify the other person. Instead of crying to God begging him for relief from your pain, consider asking Him to provide you with the inner strength to heal, the enlightenment to become ‘whole’, and the patience to endure the healing process.
~Namaste~
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